Bull in the Heather.

Today was finally the day I realized that I am going to eventually become one of those people that will never "grow up". Now being raised into the hardcore punk scene at such a young age and still sticking to the same trades you were taught when learning the ropes, you would think that is a notion we strive for. But in actuality it's a painful realization to surface about yourself. Knowing you are going to be that guy that just never grew up. Still bad in finances, never carries a job for more than a year. Still putting out records by a thread, still playing basement shows, still touring and coming home with holes in my pockets, did I mention never having any money? Facing this today made me come to terms that believing in this kind of music, or should I say the reason behind the music is serious 'kiss of death'. Its like a junkie finding that right mix, the magic eight ball that will further continue the search to find that same feeling they once had when they first met Lady Heroin. Its not so different. I remember that night, red and green lights shining down on a stage of what will become my heroin. That same feeling that makes me forget how awful, how real this world can be. And if I can somehow get that same feeling once more by searching it out through different avenues then what is to stop me? Playing in a band, pressing out records, going to shows. Its all for the same reason. I want to kiss the sky, and maybe then satisfaction will wash over me. And just maybe, I will understand myself that much more.

22 Going On 16 Playlist:
Sonic Youth "Experimental Jet, Trash and No Star"
The New Amsterdams "At the Foot of My Rival"
Elliot Smith "Division Day"
Elliot Smith "Either/Or"
Russian Circles "Enter"
My Bloody Valentine "Loveless"
Snapcase "Steps"
Quicksand "Divorce/Voicekiller"
The Get Up Kids "Four Minute Mile"
Strife "One Truth"

Goodnight Dawn.